Working Medical Mothers
Being a working mom (or dad) is not easy – and being a medical mom who works can be even harder. Luckily, there are hundreds of families that came before us that can show us the ropes and make it all a little easier. They say raising a family takes a village, so we’ve rallied the “CDH village” to gather advice to help you navigate this balancing act.
First off, remember that you can do anything, but you cannot do everything. Almost every working CDH mom will tell you that the most important thing to do is to ask for help. A support system undoubtedly helps, but only if they know they’re needed! Family, neighbors, friends - most likely, everyone around you wants to help, but they don’t know how. Next time you’re stressed out, think back on that neighbor who always says, “Let us know if you need anything,” and ask if they could pick up some groceries for you when they’re at the store next time. Ask a family member to pick up your child’s prescriptions next time they are out running errands. Ask a friend to come over for a few hours just to be an extra pair of hands and love on your baby for a little while. If it’s feasible for your family, get nursing or nanny help as soon as you can after discharge.
Next–it’s hard, but remember to give yourself some grace! You have the same 24 hours in a day as everyone else, but you may be working multiple full-time jobs - your career and being a medical parent are all large time-fillers. It’s important to prioritize – then, whatever does not get done, try to let it go. Some days you can only get the absolute necessities done, and that is okay! Just take it one day at a time, and don’t feel guilty about working. We have to do what is best for ourselves and our children. Some days are tough and will drain you, while other days, you are so grateful to have a steady income and a beautiful family.
While it is often hard to come by, making time for yourself is crucial. They say you can’t pour from an empty cup, so try to remember that your mental health is important for you and your child. Block a couple of 10-15 minute breaks on your calendar every day that other people can’t schedule over to ensure you have at least a couple of minutes to take a breather, grab a coffee, etc. If you are working from home, remember to take breaks outside the house. Even if all you can do is step outside for five minutes of fresh air, it can make all the difference. If time allows, take your baby on walks during lunch breaks. When you have kids, making time to do what fulfills you, be it career or otherwise, is not selfish – it’s self-care. A happy mother is a good mother, and if work or a particular hobby makes you hum, your whole family sings along.
When it comes to all the doctor’s appointments CDH children need, planning ahead can make a huge difference. If you can, make appointments far enough in advance so you can take time off to go yourself or schedule ahead with someone close to you that can take them. Ask someone to drive you to doctor appointments - being dropped off at the front of the hospital instead of parking can save time and reduce stress. It can be difficult, but try to stay organized as best you can – calendars, notebooks, online tools, etc.– can help you plan for the week ahead during the weekends.
When working with your employer to navigate the transition back to work after discharge, be upfront, open and honest with your bosses, coworkers, and HR about the situation. Most people will be understanding and allow you the flexibility you need. Asking for accommodations at work can be terrifying, but it pays off and helps make things more manageable. Find people in your office rooting for you and try to brush off the people with the “work comes first” mentality. Work/life balance is achievable and necessary.
Be creative about what flexibility you ask for to accommodate childcare and/or medical appointments. Depending on your company and role, you could ask to work a few days a week remotely, work an alternative schedule (i.e., longer hours on some days so you can take one day off weekly for appointments), or take on a temporary change in responsibilities or projects to lighten your load. It might be worth going part-time, even just temporarily - ask about what disability insurance your company has because, oftentimes, you can go on short-term disability for half of the workday until your baby becomes more stable. Many employers offer support such as PTO banks that provide more time off to families in need, discounts on local childcare, affinity groups for working parents, and free counseling sessions through an employee assistance program. And when all else fails, asking to extend a deadline can be a huge help!
Many Tiny Hero moms recommend working on leaving work at work, but try not to let work thoughts and pressures bleed into your family time. Maintaining that balance and not working on your days off can really help you find balance in your life.
Another helpful hint is that by optimizing your free time after work with your kids, you can help the whole family. Many Tiny Hero moms suggest finding activities to help you connect with your Tiny Hero during your time off. Going to a playground, going on walks, getting tons of cuddles, and playing games can help you take your mind off of work and really connect with your family. Having dinner together every night with your spouse or partner can help you feel more balanced. Even if your CDHer is still an infant, you can bring them to the table, so they are part of the special family time. Storytime each night with lots of good cuddles is good for everyone’s mental health!
Along those same lines, bonding with your kids and burning off some steam can be quick and simple - turn on some fun music so you can sing and dance with your kids. Be as silly and crazy as you can. Dance parties are good for the soul! Your kids will remember those fun, goofy times more than anything else. Go out to eat or picnic in the backyard. Baking or doing art together can help everyone take their minds off of the rest of the world. Of course, CDH treatment often leads to a significant financial burden, but if you’re able to, try to go on vacations or day trips as a family. These are experiences you’ll cherish for a lifetime.
Finally, remember that you should never limit yourself. You can be a mom (or dad) and pursue your dreams simultaneously, whatever they might be. So here is a friendly reminder: when you feel like giving up, remind yourself that you are a purpose-driven, change-making, warrior princess, super-mom! At the end of the day, the important thing is that everyone feels loved. If you have done that, you have done an amazing job!