Bonding in the NICU

When you find out you are expecting a baby with CDH, it is natural to wonder how you’ll ever be able to bond without immediate skin-to-skin contact or time to snuggle and nurse. However, it’s important to remember that from adversity comes triumph. And while it might not come naturally in a hospital setting, it is definitely possible to have a beautiful relationship with your baby! 

Reframing things in your mind will help you keep everything in perspective and help you find beauty in the simple things. Here are some things you can do to help create that bond:

Talk, Read, and Sing!

Be sure to talk to your baby! Tell them about the fabulous life waiting for them at home, the siblings or pets that are excited to meet them, tell them about the fun things you want to do with them, and how much you love them. And when you feel all talked out or don’t know what to say, turn on music and sing to them or pick up a book and read. Whether it is your book or a children’s book, it doesn’t make a difference; just hold their hand so they can feel your touch, and read to them so you can comfort and bond with your baby! Some people even like to record their voices on a portable device so that it can be played and provide comfort when they aren’t there. 

Comfort your baby with a NICU hold! 

A lot of times, your baby may become agitated during the hands-on time or other times. It’s hard to see our babies cry, especially when no sound is coming out because they are ventilated, but remember, crying is normal. Your baby is doing what all babies do, and it is in those moments you can most likely do what your instincts tell you to do. Hold your baby. Of course, holding will look a little different, but when your baby cries, you will likely be able to put your hand on the top of their head and wrap the other around their feet, which will swaddle them and let them know you are there and they are loved! 

The key is focusing on what you can do instead of on what you can’t.

Take advantage of hands-on time!

Just because your baby is in the NICU doesn’t mean you won’t have the ability to take care of them. It just looks a little different than if you were at home. The nursing staff will likely have a hands-on time every few hours where they check your baby’s temperature, change their diaper, and provide the needed care. Don’t be afraid to ask your nurse if there is anything that you can help with. Chances are, they will allow you to help do the little things mommies and daddies typically do, like wash their hair, change their diaper, give them a binky, participate in oral care, etc.

Hats, blankets, and bows! 

When you first become pregnant, one of the first places your mind goes is how you’re going to dress your new bundle of joy. Getting a CDH diagnosis may dampen this joy a little at first. However, try focusing on what they can wear, rather than what they can’t. It’s not only therapeutic; it can be a fun break in your day. Most hospitals allow you to bring blankets, headbands, socks, and hats to make your Tiny Hero feel extra loved until clothes are allowed.

Decorate the room!

Decorating their space will make it feel like home. You may be spending a lot of time in their room, so it’s important to make it feel comfortable for you and your baby. You can add family pictures, a cute stuffed animal, motivational signs, and other things that are important to you. It will help combat the sterile look and feel of the hospital. If you’re spending time in the hospital over any holiday, don’t shy away from decorating your space to boost your spirit.

FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS—FAMILY, HEALTH, AND TIME SPENT BONDING!

PUMPING AND BREASTFEEDING! 

Nursing is often something families decide they want to attempt. If this is something you are excited about, please know that there is hope that it can still happen despite the circumstances. Pumping milk from the moment they are born will help maintain your supply so that your body is ready when they are. However, even if they are unable to breastfeed directly, take comfort in the fact that your milk provides them the nourishment and antibodies they need to get stronger and stay healthy. It is something you are providing them that no one else can, and it is an amazing accomplishment. Knowing your body is custom designing milk just for your baby’s needs is a bond, unlike any other, regardless of how it is consumed. 

FIND VALUE IN YOUR NICU TIME!

Finally, it’s important to realize that as hard as this journey is, it may be giving you more valuable time than you realize. In all likelihood, you will be traveling away from home and putting your life on hold for a couple of months. You will likely be spending your time hyper fixated on your sweet baby. Thus, your Tiny Hero will have your attention day in and day out because other typical responsibilities that would normally divide your time aren’t occurring like they would at home. In a typical situation, you may still be working, taking kids to school, cooking meals at home, cleaning an entire house, and upholding other responsibilities. In this situation, you have likely pulled away from that routine and given time to really focus on what matters—family, health, and time spent bonding!

Of course, none of this is how you envisioned welcoming your baby into the world or how you thought motherhood/fatherhood would look. But if you stay positive, focus on what you can do, and remember it is possible to have a strong connection, you will create a bond with your Tiny Hero that is unlike any other! 

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